For the Casual Writer @ in_vazn1o. Roses
DBSG (Jaejoong x Changmin)
, just because.I want to smash loneliness into tiny pieces
-- like a frozen flower --
I'll crush and break it with my own two hands
If the stone that blocks up my heart
Breaks, a red red bud (a rose)
ought to bloom towards the sky...
- Stone Roses, Weiz Kreuz Gluhen ED
Jaejoong watches, because he always does, and now, more so than usual.
Ever since that incident, Dong Bang had gone through a lot, grieving, maturing, growing, and changing. Everyone had changed—their actions, the way they carried themselves and most especially, their views on life. Jae knows he’s been through a lot in his own, and though it’s something he doesn’t want to remember, and he knows that each member of Dong Bang has also had his own slice of life handed to him, each with different skeletons in their closets.
…Depite this, he feels that he needs to protect Changmin.
He knows that although being the youngest, Min has gone through his own share of hardships, but it is
difficult to keep in mind sometimes, especially now, when he watches as Min goes through this, his first loss of a loved one so close.
Jae observes, and he knows when the heartache just gets too much for the younger man, when the memories pierce into his psyche; he’d asked Min about it before, that pain he describes as a fire in his chest, blooming outwards till it really does hurt and he can’t tell anymore whether it’s emotional, or really physical flames have started in his heart and licked along his veins, and all Jaejoong wants to do is take that fire and extinguish it between his palms, and watch Changmin smile again.
They all have their own ways of coping, of trying to forget, to imagine life as it was before, and it’s all he can do right now to hope that one day, they’ll stop running, and accept this loss together, the four of them holding hands for the one who had run ahead, fast enough to eventually fly out of their reach.
When Changmin dissolves into tears in the recording studio, it’s Jae who’s first at his side, who carries him to the van, who sits by his side till he comes to and smiles that new smile of his, empty and hollow, echoing all the hurt that he couldn’t seem to get out of his soul.
In the shower, it’s Jae who checks up on the young man half-conscious on the cold tiles, cold to the touch under the frigid water that washes off dried tears, and it’s Jae who picks him up and imagines that under all the cold skin, the painful fire still ravages a young inexperienced soul, and it’s Jae who wishes more than anything that Changmin didn’t have to go through this. Min’s taking this really badly.
Do you think—maybe we made the wrong decision to keep on going?
I think he needs a break. We
Jaejoong then takes it upon himself to assure them a vacation, a private break somewhere quiet where they could lick their wounds in piece. He sighs and gets off the phone with the manager, shutting his phone with one hand and moving the one that he’d kept on his dongsaeng’s forehead the entire time. He feels the tiredness wash over him like the ocean over sand, moving him, shaving his patience and strength thinner and thinner till he feels the urge to climb in under the blankets and sleep it all away, to wake up with everything back to how it was as before.
But when he opens his eyes, he sees Changmin’s eyelashes fluttering, and it’s all he can do to keep his smile from splitting his head in half at the relief that he’s alright
, that he’s here
There’s something new in his eyes, and Jaejoong can see it sparkling there, small and glimmering hope and a new beginning for all of them. At that point, Jae knew that everything was going to be okay. They would make it. Sorry for worrying you guys. Now,
Changmin smiles, and Jae watches how this time, it spreads into him, his eyes, his face, his spirit, What was that I heard about a vacation?
*waves Jaemin flag* Fweeeehehehehe☆